The Best Moments

The best moments one can find in nature is exactly right after rain stops and a bright sunlight falls upon(usually the best in the morning between 7-8) and the moments in scorching heat of sunlight gets fade by the tiny drops of rains!

If not everyone but most of them feel these moments atleast for few seconds.

22th August,2019

So as you know in my earlier post on 20th, I was fucked up, losing hope and was about to get into depression, well a lighter depression though.

But… miracle happens everytime, small miracles. I don’t know or even don’t care whether you have siblings or not but have a true friend always forever and only lucky ones get one!

If you have them, preserve them but don’t be possessive or something like he or she should be always be for you they have their life and they too need some space, they have their own family too, so friendship is all about understanding verbally and nonverbally. You be there when he or she needs and vice versa will happen.

So my friend to sort out my 8197rs took loan from another person for some days and now I have to pay him back with interest but a relief for few days! Publishers finally after 2 weeks got their website proper and now you all can place your order for your copy of my Debut Novel!

And today I had a grand dinner, I mean 2 fried BANGUDE and also 2 BANGUDE in curry! Ask any mangaloreans and they will just say, WAAWWW HEAVEN!!!

Right now they have to say that because if not taste atleast the fish price has touched the sky literally. I think soon some sort of shares will be available in the share market as it may become one such commodity too!

My Mom is the one, no lesser than a God! She still provide me food, shelter even some dress as now I’m capable of managing my travel and buying dress for myself. But Mom you are more than a God for me because as a God HE may get angry sometimes and punish you or teach you a lesson or two but as a Mom, no matter what, she will not let her child face any trouble not even for a single second!

20th August,2019

Only I know and aware of HOW FUCKED UP MY LIFE IS TODAY!

I’m stressed out, feeling hopeless and screaming on top of the world “SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME”

Here I’m still waiting for my last month salary (which may get further few weeks delayed), my book still unpublished even after being on PRE-ORDER now for since more than two months, Rs. 8197rs exactly loan taken from an app to pay for initial payment in advance to start the book publishing process, and in debt of around 10000rs taken from my friend who are asking me, politely reminding daily how fucked up even their situation is!

So it’s not that I have landed up in this dreadful situation for the first ever time, I have been through a lot and I’m strong enough to pass still hundreds of it but even I’m a human being who feel so hopeless at a time that for a while goes through terrific depression and then somehow my past experience itself motivates me reminding me that there will be a ray of light at the end of this darkest tunnel I’m going through. Fuck!

Well Fuck is such an amazing word and I realized myself after watching that one of the videos by OSHO! I mean it’s terrific and I had understood what DIFFERENCE it can make when you say the words or sentence in the WAY it has to be delivered!

So I also know that what a fucking situation I’m into now is nothing at all comparing to what some are going through already and that’s what motivate me always! But each alternate minute I feel hopeless and then every alternate minute I try to motivate myself. These words are not suffice to express my current situation.

Hoping for a miracle again as I have been always being doing for the past dreadful situations I was doing to and God knows this time how successfully I will fuck this situation off.

After watching Sacred game 2 ….



SACRED GAME 2 or both the season stands with my thoughts have been since a long time. The character of the Guruji and his thinking is what even i felt and still feels everyday. The author too maybe wanted to put forward the message a decade back. We are in Kalyug and this will be the last yug! I still be worried thinking daily about the same that is there any future next? Any life which can continue to live happy, HEALTHY in next coming generation? Mother Earth has starting doing the same, the natural calamaties, and the all nuisance created by human beings are coming back to them. Every word spoken by the character holds true, the hatred, violence, jealousy, selfishness all of which will lead to the next war, maybe the World war 3! Yes, it cannot end with such nuclear radiation but yes even that can happen because it has been before!

I still worry everyday about the same that is HOW IM GONNA DIE? A gunshot, people who will come and hit me or anything else because nowafter there is not at all concept of happy death. Either someone will kill you or some disease.

Earth has been polluted and there is no other way to get it back into the state it was a hundred years ago. It was pure that time and suppose if those two world wars had not taken place then already the world’s population would have exploded beyond 12-15 billions by now!

I’m worried for all those youngsters who are working to achieve their dreams and they will in next 5-10 years but will they have someone who can carry their legacy forward? I doubt… I doubt that this world exists after 2050! I mean no human beings can survive when the mother Earth will get cruel. The nature has tolerated enough and it’s coming back. The harsh truth what I feel today is either humans will kill humans or the nature will!

So is there any escape? I don’t think so…

If one thing that can keep the nature stable is if the population remains constant which can never ever happen in the wildest dreams!

The saddest part for me is that I have born in the luckiest and worst generation ever. Luckiest to see life before technology and infrastructures and it was an awesome time but worst is now as everything is changing but still don’t want to change even if we are going to die because all think that however someday we all gonna die but I don’t want to die in any natural calamaties or killed by someone nor by some deadly disease. And the worstest thing is about the next generation who are going to face what their ancestors have done and pay heavy for it. Noone but everyone to be blamed.

There will be solution for this but nomatter how much you try it won’t happen. It’s going to end in the worst way possible.

My basavakalyan days

May 15 to May 30th, 2019

I went there because I wanted to start a farm, a pig farm but later our mind changed to go for a goat farm and reason for it is- it’s maintenance cost is lower than the pig farm. I and my two friends, had invested for this venture but every day we would feel that we need to invest more to start getting revenues. Only after we increase our goats count more than 50 or 100 we could start selling few and now we had only 15 which we bought for approximately 1 lakh rupees.

Now I was going there to see how actually it has all begun and running after.

Basavakalyan, the name given to that village, is most probably because once upon a time Basaveshwara had settled there for a while and even you can find the Anubhava mantapa, today there is a 108 foot tall statue of Basaveshwara, which can be seen as you just enter the village.

The living standard of people is still lower than you can generally expect but they’re making enough income almost equal to a middle class parent earning in a city. The people in this village has understood the value of education and one can find good number of schools and colleges in the developing village and few more coming up.

This was the third time I’m visiting, previously in 2013 and 2015. Both of my previous visit lasted maximum one week but this time I had decided to be there for two months or atleast one month!

The first time I landed there I was terrified by the idea of littering outside in open because on the way to the village I saw many doing the same, fertilising the field! But even more terrified me was that I could see many of the womens had to go out for the  same! But finally when I reached my friend’s house, I felt a big sigh of relief seeing the toilet, even though it was outside his house because after having an overnight journey which was approximately 17-18 hours in bus altogether, one must have to clean his inside garbage.

After getting freshen up, I had the meal which was for me one of the tastiest, especially, the chapati with ladyfingers bhaji, there is something magical about this combination because wherever I had this combination I always cherished the moment, which anyone could make out looking at the big smile on my chewing while chewing it.Yummy! Also not to miss out mentioning the tasty rice and dal which is daily food of atleast millions of Indians if not a billion though every household will have a slight different taste.

So it was then time to visit his grandparent’s home which is about 15 kms far from his home. Now it’s really different thing traveling that distance in the city and same distance in those village, obviously the main reason is road but also the fields of different crops, every set of people indulging in their specific set of work but let me tell it was disgusting if you set on your journey early morning around 7 or 7.30 as you will people littering outside!

Well I hope there is a toilet in grandparent’s home and Thankfully it was there in most of the household because of some initiative taken by their panchayat and government but again not even 5-10% were using it as they gaha got used to their usual rituals.

So after riding for around 45 minutes, I reached to the house of our sweet lovely old couples, still showing us that husband-wife can stay together forever and ever.

Their house was just like a typical village type, old one may be built in Gandhi era, but they had built adjoining rooms and roofs for them slowly expanding their small territory and now if utilised properly atleast a family of 10-15 can comfortably live there.

Both were active, fit and in action whole day even though having grandchildren equal to my age and even elder to me! Seeing that place I thought for a while I can manage with it for a month or two as I had to stay there, already I had carried my luggage with my minimum dress I ever required to pass my days. After having small conversation with grandparents, mostly with Grandma because grandpa is not stable in one place always moving here and there, you can rarely find him in his house.

So next we went to check out the farm, goat farm. As I had seen in the pics earlier it was as it is. The shed was small but capable to of grazing 100-150 goats and now there were 30 goats including bigher and smaller ones. My friend’s dad had appointed one caretaker to look after the goats and take them in the fields to have their feed.

After spending some time in the farm planning out about what next can be done, we went back home.

At home, there were two cows and a dog. They haven’t given them any names but the cows had good bonding with both the grandparents as the dog was just adopted then.

Now the biggest issue of all was food. Their roti and dal or saar whatever granny prepared was totally of different taste for me and very difficult to digest or even put into my mouth and pass it further inside. She used to prepare rotis once in the morning 10-15 or 20 which was enough till night as each person at a time can eat not more than 2 or 3. Morning it will fine but the same roti in the afternoon and night will become hard which without a hot saar or dal would be difficult to digest or chew. And obviously there’s no reheating ritual. You will have to eat as it is, and I couldn’t. Three times the same meal was difficult for me as in my home in the city I get tasty breakfast and meals with some good curry and side dish.

I had to manage but soon I realized that I couldn’t stay there more than a week but I did because apart from food everything was fine. Room, washroom, people, farm all good! Meanwhile I also attended three marriage! All in a span of one week and all three were of nearby neighbors, it felt as I had gone there to attend those marriages. It was special in their own way,


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